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Bob71488
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Name: Evan
Interests: see below
Expertise: hmmm...... games (war3, mvc2, and some other stuff), eating, cooking, sleeping, knowing simpsons stuff, and making people feel better about themselves by showing them beyond rock bottom.
Message: message me
Member Since:
8/21/2003
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| So it's really really late this year, but this time I was busy, got
sick, then I got really busy again. And as I may have said at some
point, I like to write alone in the middle of the night. But since
Travis is pretty nocturnal, I didn't even try. Well, it sure was quite
the year. Some things learned, others reconfirmed, while a few I think
I'm gonna choose to be stubborn and make the same mistakes again. I
feel quite different from when I was writing last year's note, I
suppose it's a good and a bad thing.
Family
-To think that I thought I said it all last time, it's even kinda funny.
First and foremost, I thank my parents. I'd say I had three pivotal
points during the year which helped me, and obviously I'm gonna say
they were part of one, but it means a great deal to me. Great enough
that I won't say here. I think I'm helping more like I said I would,
but it still feels like I'm doing only a little. Maybe it's because you
noticed that I was doing it. I don't necessarily need all the thanks,
since I'm only doing what I feel is right. So if dishes happen to be
washed during the middle of the night, just leave it be. You'll seldom
catch me in the act if I play correctly. Sorry if I ever made you
worry, I can't say there wasn't reason to, but I'll continue working in
order to be deserving of you.
My brothers, are we having fun yet? We may seem dysfunctional, in fact
we probably are, but it's hard for me to even think of asking for more.
Thank you for your strength, both of you. We have a very unique manner
of progressing, but in way, I guess one could say we're getting better.
Sooner than anyone thinks, we will find ourselves at the point where we
choose to find each other. Well, it seems our hope befalls the creation
of a new Sunday dinner or a really good video game. I'm sorry for
failure, as well as my selfishness. I have a lot of to work on for the
both of you, but I'm still trying.
Non-Blood Family
Euno: So what isn't there to say about this year? It seems we proved my
line from last year, "despite how bad the condition of the situation
[became], you [were] there, helping me make fun of everything while
enjoying the sour taste of freshly squeezed pain and misery." Then I
made a smiley face. In fact, one of the three crucial points of the
year was with you. Well, if I haven't made this clear already, thank
you. I'd like to say I progressed at least a little bit with my
antisocial tendencies, but it's obvious that it could be much better.
Zach: It seems we're still going with our 19 year friendship. Once
again you prove yourself to be someone worthy of appreciation, despite
how little we get to see each other. Thank you for always being someone
to know when it counts, you never seem to forget. I'm sorry if I
haven't done everything I should've, I can only recall a few, but I'm
sure there's more. I'll continue using my efforts to reciprocate your
effect, despite how effortless you make it seem.
Thank You, I'm Sorry
E. Kim: Hmmmm... It certainly is interesting to see how things happen.
This is probably one of the last things you want to see now, but I'm
doing it anyways. Well, thank you, for your effort, courage, and most
of all, the favor of your so-called limited patience. Hahaha, it's
kinda funny... I have all the time in the world, and I still can't
think of what to say. And now the potentially long part, I'm sorry, for
how I was, for not knowing, but even more for what I won't say here.
I'm sorry for saying sorry, I know I said I'd try to do that less. Well
the last thing I'll say here, can you just get your Christmas present.
Shiela: Hahaha, we barely see each other but it feels like you've done
so much for me, thank you. It might be the thought, the principle, the
timing, or random luck, but whatever it is, your simple acts were quite
meaningful to me. I hope I've made that clear, despite how
insignificant it can seem, I want you to feel good for it. Sorry for my
inaction, it's a work in progress. I really really need to work on
that. Once I improve, I intend on you being someone I see, given that
you're willing.
Everybody: I have more to say, but I won't say it here. This includes
all of you from last year: Brian, Jesse, Heidi, Sung, Agnes, Nikki,
etc. If there's ever anything anybody needs, all it takes is the word.
Except I won't drive you anymore Jesse.
The year was quite fruitful of lessons, here are some of the things,
that might be helpful to someone. I'm gonna be keeping some of them to
myself. I'll probably add more later.
Lessons to remember in the new year:
-self control can be detrimental
-be very careful of when you listen to what music
-you listen too much
-understanding can lead to change, not cause it
-you're not as good a person as you think
-you're not as bad a person as you think
-honesty can be detrimental
-being the nice guy is gonna get you killed
-never forget... never show it...
Things to do:
-fix your fucking sleep
-don't forget your own advice again
-take it easy on the hands
-try to avoid thinking that ever again, despite knowing you will
-make sure to enjoy it all
-go do something dumbass
Thank you and sorry,
Evan | | |
| it's back.... but this time, there are a couple things that i refuse to lose.
it won't be getting so far, not again...
cheers, to fighting while it's over...
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| God damn it i'm fucking tired. When the hell am i get back to
normal? There are only a few things left that i can do.... fuck...
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ugh.... I wish I didn't start things using that
"ugh..." thing, I truly do, but it's basically the trademark for the
whole evan's gonna write something deal. I think part of the reason I
don't write very much is because "ugh..." usually implies problems,
and I really don't like laying my burden upon others. Well... that and
because I absolutely loathe complaining when at fault, whether it's myself or someone
else doing the complaining.
Anyways, I’m not saying that I only have problems, I do have
a couple of recent good thoughts that I’d deem worthy of both deserving of
being noticed and treasured, but unfortunately for the few of you who would
care about my life, it belongs to myself, my family, and close friends, so it
requires a much personal approach to find those out. It sure seems like I
have a lot to figure out these days, but I suppose that it's to be expected
when considering my nature. This is something that started long ago
(years ago, hard to tell when), but as I go on, I find that it only gets worse. I might even say I expected that too, but I
also thought I’d be able to fix at least something through my efforts.
Now one of the recent additions to my troubles is a sort of perpetual
exhaustion. During some recent days, not even in my slumber can I find any
peace or much rest. (maybe almost a week) It's kinda sad to talk about
sleep as my constant in life, but it sort of has been a little. It’s just
been something to rely on for an escape every once in a while. But yea,
what it all comes down to is, it feels like I haven't actually been able to
enjoy my life for a very long time. (not telling how long) I don’t and won’t show it unless it gets
serious (unless I’m just pissed off), so don’t expect much of a change from me. Maybe it's time for me to take my own advice
and try not thinking so fucking much. So I suppose this is where my own
control and discipline comes into question.
For the most part, I’ve always been pretty good with this type of thing
throughout my life, but I really seem to be in over my head for this one. The problem is that it’s not as much a
hindrance to my actions (what it might be in the case of more normal people), but
it’s become more a substitute for activity all together. In other words “thinking” has become what I
do instead of actually doing anything.
Well we’ll just wait and see how that one goes, I suppose it’ll either
get worse or better as I busy myself with school work next week. Another predicament to come up is a slight
decline in mental and physical ability.
I haven’t quite concluded whether it’s connected to the tired deal, but
if I were to describe it for you, I’d probably say it’s like a very early case
of senility. (it’s a little bit of a joke amidst the dark) Just haven’t been doing very well in much all
together. (started around late July) I
can barely help anyone, lost my edge in tennis, even sort of losing it in video
games, really can’t focus very well, but what I can’t stand is not being able
to make anybody happy. It seems undying
hope just isn’t enough to sustain much in the world these days.
It’s very apparent that I’m becoming far more rigid and cold
than ever before. (point of origin is unknown; noticed around last winter
break; second wave noticed somewhere midsummer)
I don’t mind when it’s hurting me that much, but often the situation
turns to where I’m inadvertently hurting or bothering others who simply don’t
deserve it. It’s when I’m hurting others
that I really hate it all, I’d probably say that’s when I feel the worst. If you know me really well or had the
unfortunate experience of having me attempt arguing with you, you probably know
that I advocate the law and use of consequences through both the good and bad
perspectives, so it bothers me when I’m carelessly harmful. I really abhor this feeling of wanting to
apologize to the world. I can usually
contain it, but obviously since I’m writing this, I’ve begun to lose my handle
on things a little.
As a humorous yet serious note to this whole, the point
where I knew that the situation turned dire is when my appetite had been
affected. (probably about a week) It’s
not that I haven’t been eating at all, it’s just that I can clearly tell that
haven’t been eating as I normally do. So
I pretty much knew it was bad, and decided to write about it. Now before I finish this, I want to make sure
everybody remembers that I’m the only one at fault.
Well, I’m off to go on a little trip. There have been some talk of what’s bothering
me, so most of it is here. The feelings
fluctuate, so don’t think I’m always so down. This piece is a little incomplete, but I better
get finished with it before the timing is off. I started writing it in the middle of a night,
but I didn’t finish. I like to write in
the middle of the night, but it’s hard to find time alone when you live with a
practically nocturnal family. So, since I
can’t finish it, it’s a little incomplete and a little off in some parts, but
that’s most of it.
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| i need my freaking car back! Man i hate stupid drivers.
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